How To Set Boundaries & Stay Grounded

HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES AND STAY GROUNDED

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Being grounded and setting personal boundaries, as you walk this Earth, sounds like something simple enough, but it is a challenge for a lot of people.

Popular headlines you will see reference this constantly.

Avoid being drained by Energy Vampires”

“Protect Your Energetic Sovereignty”

“Are You an Emotional Sponge?”

“Protection for Empaths”

Do you feel drained by interacting with certain people? Do you allow yourself to be drawn into the drama of others? Does a stressful moment with someone have the power to ruin your day? Let’s change that. It is easier than you think.

BEING GROUNDED FEELS LIKE THIS:

  • Calmness prevails no matter the situation around you.
  • You are excited about your day and the possibilities it brings
  • Inspiration comes easily and seems divinely inspired
  • Your body is calm and not tense
  • Your breath is effortless and comes from your belly
  • You can think on your feet
  • Other people’s emotions/moods don’t stay “stuck” to you.

NOT BEING GROUNDED FEELS LIKE THIS:

  • Feeling like you are stuck in a rut
  • Your thoughts are always in the past or in the future
  • Feeling anxious
  • Depression
  • Substance abuse
  • Lack of energy
  • Being easily affected or drained by other people’s moods/energy
  • Emotional eating
  • Feeling spacey/scattered

Figuring Out Your Boundaries

Allow yourself to interact in this world without compromising your integrity.

Give yourself a little time to create your Boundaries. Write them down. Keep it positive. The universe is always listening and reacting to the language we use.

Consider things like:

“I will always allow time in the day for the things that matter the most to me”

Instead of…

“I will not get sucked into doing things that I don’t want to do.”

You can feel the difference in those two statements, right?

Defensiveness is not what you’re looking for. Using your truth like a weapon is different than feeling grounded in your own wisdom and living with grace. There is a knowing that comes with figuring out your boundaries.

On a soul level you already know…write it down!


My Wake-Up Call…

When you think you have something figured out, the universe will remind you that you are here to learn and evolve.

In 2007 I was a student of the Energy Healing Practitioners Program of Langara College here in Vancouver. We attended retreats on Golden Ears Mountain. Nestled among towering cedars, we students and faculty resided in rustic cabins dotted around a still lake. It was a soulful experience.

Most of us were women. We learned theory where Western science met Eastern tradition. We were beginning a unique healing journey, hoping to learn how to help other do the same.

Our lives were about to change more deeply than we could have imagined.

During our retreats on the mountain there was much milling about between classes. As we passed each other on the forest pathways we’d often greet each other with, “ground down sister”. This phrase just became a group mantra of sorts. Sometimes we would giggle when we said it and other times it was shouted with a loud slap of a high-five for emphasis. One of the things we were constantly reminded of, during class, was that we absolutely had to stay grounded to interact with clients.

I was proud of my power to stay grounded in stressful situations. I witnessed student treatments where people had traumatic releases on the table. A couple of times I had people comment on how calm I was. Cue the Universe…life lesson coming.

One afternoon our class was doing treatments at a Vancouver detox center. I had a gal on my table who was shaky and having a hard time staying still. Her energy field felt like it was full of broken glass. I know that sounds odd to say but I can’t think of a better way to describe it. After assessing her I went to work with the treatment. I was not grounded. I was not surrounded by tall cedars and friends. I was taking on her energy and I didn’t realize it until it was too late.

Before I knew it, I was in the middle of a full-blown panic attack. I was having flashbacks to a horrible LSD experience I’d had as a teen. I was not ok. I removed my hands from my “client”, a big no-no for treatment etiquette, and ran for the bathroom. I had absolutely no control over the situation. I felt like I was going to die, I was sure I was. I slid down the bathroom wall and landed with my head between my knees, I was sweating, freezing and shaking. The room was spinning. I knew what was happening but I was helpless to make it stop. There was no warning and it was as powerful as if someone had transported me back in time to my teenage self.

I shared this experince to illustrate how powerfully other people’s energy can impact and trigger you. AND people will trigger things in you from past experiences that you still haven’t fully processed. Life’s way of keeping us evolving I suppose

So what do we do about all of this? Ground Down Sister! Brothers too, of course of course.

There is a big difference between staying calm in a stressful situation because you have learned to detach and staying truly grounded in a sressful.

PLEASE REMEMBER THESE 3 THINGS!

  1. Your breath moves energy through your body
  2. Your intention has the power to move energy
  3. Your connection to Earth energy is essential to staying grounded.

People use different techniques for staying grounded. I’ll share mine with you; it is simple and fast.

Practice moving energy around your body with your breath – yes, you can do that, and it is simple. If you think you are doing it, then you are.

  • Breathe from your belly button pulling your energy down your legs and into your feet.
  • Imagine roots at the bottom of your feet that connect you to Earth energy.
  • Let your energy flow from your belly button, down your legs and out your feet, grounding you to Mother Earth.
  • Continue to belly breathe mindfully and continue the flow.

Done, just like that. Do you feel it? Change the language and visuals to whatever resonates with you.

Added protection for times of high stress…such as having a conversation with someone you love who is saying hurtful things.

Practice expanding and contracting your energy field. Yes, you can do this, use your imagination and your breath.

  • Visualize your energy field. It is all around your body, extending past your feet and above your head. You are suspended in it at all times.
  • Contract your field and feel it hugging and protecting you.
  • Fill your field with beautiful light.
  • Know that nothing can come into your field unless you allow it to.
  • Remember that the person you are interacting with is wounded and their negativity has nothing to do with you.
  • Allow yourself the super power of staying silent if you need to.
  • Walking away is a choice you are always able to make.

Life is good

Learn Your Breath Code

Have you read the headlines about Hilary Clinton’s love of alternate-nostril breathing? Yes, breathwork is finally a ‘thing’ at CNN.

There are so many different breathing practices and corresponding stories of greatness. Athletes, politicians, yogis, monks, martial arts masters, first responders, and deep sea divers have been in on the secret for eons.

If you can’t imagine yourself standing in line at the grocery store pressing your fingers alternately against your nostrils while you allow your eyes to roll to the back of your head then I have good news for you!

You can create an effective breath code for relaxation and focus in about 30 seconds and you can do it anywhere, anytime.

I have tried many different breathing techniques and they all made me panic. This is not the desired effect. Just the thought of having to “hold” or breathe out for a specific count made me squirm and gasp. Surely I was not getting enough air, my brain refused the concept.

The missing link for me? Tuning into my own intuition and rhythm was key.

Here is how to figure out your own personal breath code.

  • Sit comfortably and bring your attention to your normal relaxed breathing.
  • Start counting as you inhale, make note of the number. This is the first number of your code.
  • Exhale with your lips slightly pursed (like you were going to whistle but changed your mind). Count as you do this. Exhale completely. This is the second number of your code.
  • After you exhale completely you may feel a wonderful stillness. Notice it, count, see how long you can float in that stillness before the inhalation reflex initiates again. This is the third number of your breath code.

Your code might be: 4-7-3, or 5-8-4 or completely different. The code you came up with is perfect for you.

Now just doing this will be incredibly relaxing and you will remember it and want to repeat it. The more you do it the more you’ll want to do it. You can use it for falling asleep, getting back to sleep, changing mental gears from work mode to relax mode, and increasing mental focus but I think the most amazing thing you can use it for is to stop the panic mode. This is where the numbers become important. When you are in panic mode and you’re breathing like a hummingbird, remind yourself of your code and start breathing accordingly. Your body will respond quickly and you will be amazed at how you just naturally flow back to a state of calm. Honestly, once you get into the practice of using this tool it is like flicking a switch.

Let me know how it works for you.